District Sales Manager
A Better Mousetrap Company
Syracuse, New York 14567
Dear Sir:
Enclosed please find my resume in response to your recent ad. Although I do not have a BS degree as you requested in your ad, I do have over 10 years of experience in sales.
I am looking for a new position because my current job requires me to travel too much of the time. I’m sick of fleabag hotels and I miss my wife Judy and my kids, Joey and Lisa. Kids just seem to grow up so fast these days, don’t they?
If you want a real go-getter on your team, then I’m your man. I can sell Kryptonite to Superman; I can sell ice to the Eskimos. I am very motivated by money and I will always make my quota.
Sound too good to be true? Find out and invite me for an interview today. You won’t be sorry. I have enclosed my resume for your review. My salary requirement is $50,000, and I need at least 3 weeks a year vacation because that’s what I get now and I don’t want to have to start over.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
I.M. Booring, II
Well, you have probably guessed by now that this is a bogus cover letter. Believe it or not, though, it’s not too far off from some real hum-dingers I received when I was recruiting for a local company. Other Human Resource managers tell me about some off-the-wall letters that they get from applicants, too. I guess it must be an attempt to have their letter “stand out from the crowd.” While it may accomplish that goal, it is very unlikely that it will enhance their chances for an interview. (It does, however, provide occasional entertainment and stress relief to the over-worked resume screener!)
Before you continue reading further, stop here and re-read the letter. Can you find at least 15 errors or omissions?
1. The date of the letter is omitted
2. The greeting “Dear Sir” is out-dated, and also assumes the district manager is male. A gender-neutral greeting might be, “Dear District Manager” or “Dear Hiring Manager”. Better yet, call the company’s receptionist as ask for the district manager’s name so that it will be more personalized.
3. In your introductory sentence, be sure to identify the position for which you are applying – some companies are recruiting multiple positions at one time.
4. Do not apologize for what you don’t have. Emphasize what you do have. In this case, if you do not meet the minimum educational requirements, omit any reference to it. Why highlight a weak point?
5. There is no excuse for misspelled words in your cover letter. (“experience”). Most computers now have a spell check function to assist you. Additionally, it is recommended that you have someone read your final letter for spelling and grammar before being mailed.
6. It is not necessary to explain why you are applying, especially if the reason is a negative one. This is not a place to air your gripes about your current situation. You may also be eliminating yourself by saying too much. (What if there is significant travel required in this job, too?)
7. Do not get personal about your family, etc. It is not of any interest to the employer, and it is of no relevance to your candidacy.
8. Avoid using trite or overused expressions (“sell ice to the Eskimo’s”).
9. Do not exaggerate or make promises you can’t keep (“I will always make my quota”).
10. Be aware of expressions which make you sound pushy, overly confident, or desperate. (“You won’t be sorry.”)
11. Do not volunteer salary information/requirements if the ad does not ask for it.
12. It is premature to discuss your vacation requirements (or other benefits) prior to a job offer.
13. The entire letter is “me” (candidate) focused instead of “you” (employer) focused. Note: The candidate referred to himself with fifteen I ‘s in one letter!
14. The writer did not emphasize aspects of his background which would fit the employer’s requirements. There were no highlights or accomplishments mentioned to add depth and interest.
15. It is acceptable (and even desirable, for a sales candidate) to finish the letter with an active, rather than a passive close. Instead of “I look forward to hearing from you,” he might close with, “I will follow up with a call to your office in the next week.”
REMEMBER: A well written cover letter should be concise and easy to read, with a focus on the benefits you offer to the employer. It should entice the reader to look forward to reading your resume!
