A long tenured field salesperson was stunned when he opened his email one morning to find a message from his manager that he was terminated and that the details and his final paycheck would be forthcoming by express mail….Two executives who did not like each other communicated only by email, even though their offices were right down the hall from one another….
Email – phone – or face to face: it is important to understand that the mode used to deliver communications is as important as the content of the message itself. Far too often, people will choose the approach that is most comfortable for them, rather than what is most appropriate or necessary for that situation.
Email is designed to move high volume or time-sensitive communications quickly. It is best utilized for the myriad everyday issues that are transactional, require one-way information, or that only need to be documented for future reference.
Email is less personal than a voice on the other end of the phone, or a face across the table. By its very nature, email creates a distance. It should never be used for sensitive interpersonal issues such as to reprimand, to terminate employment, or to convey any information that will impact someone personally or professionally.
Some people will use email instead of personal contact in order to keep a distance or to shield themselves from the discomfort of dealing with the other person’s reaction. Those who avoid confrontation or want to maintain control will continue to use email until respectfully challenged.
To break an inappropriate email cycle and transition to person-to-person, you might respond by email with something like this: “John, it is impossible to discuss this effectively by email. Given the importance of this issue and our working relationship, I suggest that we schedule a time to discuss this in person to resolve. Are you available on Thursday afternoon?”
There are times when the only way a conflict-avoiding personality can start to address a sensitive situation is through email. Writing their thoughts down helps them to be more grounded and objective, and to be able to sort through their thoughts without the other person interrupting. It is one way that they can assert themselves or set boundaries. This will only work, however, if the intention of the communication is to gain clarity and understanding, rather than to avoid, control or to put the other person on the defensive.
A female worker was embarrassed by her boss in front of the team. Later that day she gathered her thoughts and composed a respectful but assertive email. In it, she requested that in the future if he had an issue with her work that he speak with her directly and privately, and that she would like to discuss this further at his earliest convenience. This email created a “bridge” toward a necessary personal discussion.
In our fast-moving work cultures we have developed an automatic habit of using email in place of personal communications, all-to-often using a transactional approach with issues that affect people. When email is used inappropriately in this way, it creates misunderstanding, resentment or alienation. It is imperative, therefore, that we be aware of and differentiate between transactional issues, for which email is particularly fast and efficient, and sensitive relationship issues, which require personal contact.
